Setting the Record Straight on Managing Your Boss

Everyone knows how helpful it is to have a positive relationship with your boss and that it’s up to you to make it work. But do you know how to best interact with your manager to get what you need, support her success, and excel at your job? Chances are you’ve gotten some advice on this topic — from a well-meaning friend, a mentor, or even an article or book. But are you getting the right guidance? We asked readers (and our own editors) what advice they hear most often and then talked with two experts to get their perspectives on whether the conventional wisdom holds up in practice and against research. 1. “Always bring solutions — not problems — to your boss.” “Problems don’t make anyone happy and bringing unsolved problems to your manager makes it look like you’re not doing your job,” says Jeffrey Pfeffer, a professor of organizational behavior at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and author of Power: Why Some People Have It and Others Don’t. So, yes, it’s a good idea to spend time thinking through an obstacle and coming up with at least a few potential solutions before sitting down with your manager. You will build an even stronger relationship with your boss, says Pfeffer, if you take it a step further and make those solutions look like they were his idea. “We like our own ideas, our own names, our own birthdates,” says Pfeffer, citing the self-enhancement effect, which biases us toward things that relate to ourselves. Frame your proposed answer to the problem as consistent with what the boss has said in the past. You might say: “We can do x, which I know you’ve suggested before.” There are limitations to the “bring solutions, not problems” rule, however, says Linda Hill, professor of business administration at Harvard Business School and co-author of Collective Genius: The Art and Practice of Leading Innovation and Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader. Some people, afraid of not having the right solution in hand, don’t do anything. She points to a case at Flextronics where a manager waited too long before escalating an issue, and put the company’s largest account at risk. “If there’s a problem and you don’t have a solution, don’t just sit around doing nothing. Go ask your boss for help,” she says. It’s the role of the manager to think through possible remedies to problems that you can’t solve on your own. So Hill suggests an alternative interpretation of this advice: “Go to your boss with a few options if you have some but also feel safe to occasionally ask for help working out a solution.” Your boss is busy, so don’t do this all the time, but if you build trust she will know that you’re coming without a solution because you really need her help. 2. “Never cry in front of your boss.” Pfeffer says that from a power perspective, crying is a bad move. “You definitely don’t want to show that you’re emotionally weak,” he says. He points to the work of Larissa Tiedens, which proves that anger is viewed as a much more powerful emotion. “Crying would demonstrate sadness, which gives away a lot of your power,” he says. But, as Hill points out, sometimes you just can’t control your tears. “I’ve had people cry in my office and it’s usually because they’ve gotten bad news or something’s happened in their lives,” she explains. Hill says that she didn’t judge these people: “It was a time for me to show some compassion.” Women are physiologically more prone to crying, as this video from Anne Kreamer explains, so this advice may be something that women hear more than men. You and Your Team Managing Up Best practices for interacting with your boss. There are experts who disagree that crying doesn’t belong in the office. Some have even advocated for the appropriateness of tears at work. Still, both Pfeffer and Hill agree that if you think you won’t be able to control your emotions, you might want to put off the conversation with your boss. “Controlling your emotions is a sign of emotional intelligence,” says Hill. And if you do break down, don’t just let the tears fall. Explain yourself: “You shouldn’t assume that your boss will know what your tears mean. Explain how you’re feeling — sadness, frustration — so you don’t leave her guessing,” says Hill. 3. “Under-promise and over-deliver.” Hill and Pfeffer both agree this is a good idea. Hill says that when she asks leaders why they’d chosen to mentor certain employees, they often said it had to do with the results they’d seen them deliver. One manager explained: “When I ask her to bring me a fish, she brings me back a whale.” “What looks like good or bad performance depends on what the expectations are and if you give the boss more than you said you would, you’re going to come off looking good,” says Pfeffer. He says that you can think of this tactic as similar to anchoring in negotiations. Research shows that if you make the first offer in a negotiation, you’re likely to have a bargaining advantage. When you promise your boss that you’re going to convert five customers this week, that’s your anchor offer. If you actually convert seven, then you’ve smartly managed his expectation. You need to be careful though. Hill says that she’s seen some people get into hot water by under-promising. “Sometimes you don’t get the resources that you need to deliver on the higher number.” 4. “Don’t be friends with your boss.” This one can be sticky. Pfeffer points out that you want a strong relationship with your boss no matter what. “The more the boss likes you, the more she feels favorably towards you. The more the boss feels like she has a stake in your success, the better off you’ll be,” he says. Hill warns, however, that you shouldn’t think of it like other friendships: “I think you can be friendly but don’t get confused. This isn’t like other relationships. If your boss has to choose between what’s best for you and what’s best for the enterprise, he’s likely to choose the latter.” She also points out that while a close relationship can be good for you, it may hurt the boss’s credibility if people think he’s playing favorites. “People will know that you’re friendly and your manager may need to distance from you to show that he’s not being partial,” she says. Nor should you try to get close with your manager for purely political reasons. “A relationship that’s based on you making a power play isn’t likely to be a strong one, and you run a higher risk of it ending in disaster, especially if your boss senses that you’re getting close to her to advance your own career,” writes author Karen Dillon in “Can You Be Friends With Your Boss?” 5. “Let your work speak for itself.” According to Pfeffer, this is malarkey. Yes, you need to do good work but your boss isn’t going to automatically notice. “You boss is busy and has his or her own biases,” he says. “It’s not like if you perform well, all will be fine.” Instead, you have to find ways to promote your work. “Visibility really matters,” agrees Hill. She suggests you consider what evidence your manager has for your accomplishments and competence and if you haven’t given her enough, you find ways to present your work or talk about the results you’ve delivered recently. “You are responsible for making your boss appreciate the good work that you do,” Pfeffer says. Pfeffer says that most people know what they need to do when it comes to managing their bosses, “they just have trouble doing it.” This is in large part because many people struggle with hierarchical relationships. “They want to believe that it’s a just world and that the quality of your relationship with your boss shouldn’t matter, but it does.” So even if the idea of managing up makes you feel squeamish, it pays to respect this important part of your job.

Setting the Record Straight on Managing Your Boss

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